Nostalgia Underground

        “We are the happy bears
        The bears that last forever.
        We are the happy bears
        You’ll forget us never.”

​

The song chimed out from the 12 inch black and white TV in Malcolm’s basement. Purple, blue, magenta, and red animatronic bears in top hats danced behind a flickering gray line that worked its way up the screen, distorting their faces, and then disappeared under the frame of the tv before reappearing at the bottom.

​

Malcolm hunched over the maps of the city with scribbles over forgotten streets, desolate houses, warehouses, and office buildings. He bit the end of his pen, circled a location, and took a picture on his phone, sending it out to his crew.

 

Ping.

 

Charlotte glanced at her phone under the table. 848 Hathaway. It was only four miles away. She could leave work and make it home and back with plenty of time to–

 

“Charlotte?”

 

Charlotte looked up and flipped her phone face-down on the conference room table. “Yes, sorry. Go on.”

 

Her director continued with the meeting, the crisp lines of his shirt catching the sickly fluorescent lights. Charlotte wished she could speed up time, force the sun to set so her day could really begin.

 

Charlotte glanced at her phone again, at the screensaver collage of Christmas ephemera, a Victorian ornament decorated with a Santa whose beard was made of green holly dotted with red. A decorative plate painted with lanterns, poinsettias, and a crowd of people standing in a snowy village. An angel candle wearing a red dress, golden hair, and a shining halo.

 

That was the world she wanted to be in. Her reason for exploring abandoned buildings at night, for risking everything. To get back to that perfect world.

​

-

 

When the last remnants of light cast a ghostly blue over the city, Charlotte pulled into an abandoned parking lot overgrown with weeds. Her car jostled across the cracked asphalt, broken from the earth shifting beneath it, and slowed to a stop, turning off her lights.

 

Charlotte flipped down her mirror and smudged dark blue eyeshadow around her eyes. She pulled the mask hanging around her neck up over her mouth and nose, and her bright strawberry-blonde bob curled over it. She looked into her own eyes. She was unrecognizable. The mask, handmade by Malcolm years before, had an X drawn over the mouth in glow-in-the-dark paint. The eyes staring back at her had a wildness to them. A freedom and fearlessness that scared her.

 

A knock at the window made her jump. She turned and found two faces staring back, pressed against the glass. Nadia and Leo wiggled their fingers at her, and she rolled her eyes.

 

They stepped back as she opened the door and stepped out into the cold.

 

Nadia’s mask stared back, a red heart drawn over the mouth. Her long, dark braid and brown skin contrasted with the neon-pink paint smeared around her eyes. Her glittering, pink skirt flounced over black combat boots dotted with colorful little charms - gifts from their online patrons. She held up her pink phone and asked, “Are you ready to film?”

 

Charlotte had never seen Nadia’s hands without a phone in them. She pulled her gloves on tighter. “I’m ready if Leo is.”

 

Leo grinned behind his mask. “Of course, I am. I’m always ready.”

 

Nadia turned the camera on him. “Great, because we’re going live tonight.”

 

Leo let out a dark growl behind his mask, glowing with the drawing of a tongue sticking out of a smile, “Awesome, because I plan on seducing that camera all night long.” Based on his height and build, Charlotte got the feeling he used to be a very successful football player, but she didn’t actually know anything about either of them. And they didn’t know anything about her. That was how Malcolm wanted it.

 

Charlotte zipped up her black jacket, and fog plumed through her mask. “Is Malcolm here yet?”

 

Leo’s eyes grinned at her. “Yup. He’s waiting for us.”

 

Then she saw him. A shiver ran down her neck. Malcolm stood in the shadow of a broken-down building at the end of the parking lot, watching their approach. His body was lean under the black hoodie and joggers. His dark hair was pushed back with oil, and one curl fell across his forehead. 

 

Leo bounded over to him, pulling him in for a hug, slapping his back.

 

Nadia held up her phone, filming herself in her mask. “It’s Nadia, the hottest thing to ever hit urbex. If you’re new here, let me introduce you to the crew.” She turned the camera around, pointing it at each of them. “Leo, my big, lovable goof. Darling Charlotte, so prim and proper. And Malcolm, our fearless leader.” 

 

Malcolm turned to the entrance, waited until she stopped filming.

 

“Done.” Nadia lowered the phone, and her online persona fell away.

 

Malcolm's violent grin glowed in the dark. 

​

Charlotte nodded at the door behind him, chained shut. “Is this the way in?”

 

Instead of answering, he looked up the wall of the building. A ladder led up the side, rotten and rusting. Her stomach dropped, and she said, “Oh.”

 

Nadia and Leo scaled the ladder easily, racing to the top. 

 

Malcolm said lightheartedly, “Don’t worry. If Leo can do it, so can we.”

 

Leo easily had a hundred pounds on Charlotte, but she didn’t like the look of the rust. Or that the ladder extended sixty feet straight up. But she trusted Malcolm, and she started to climb. 

 

The first few steps were easy; it was after she realized any falls would be fatal that her breath came in short gasps. Every step burned her calves, and she found her hands shaking from grabbing the bars so tight. 

When they made it to the top, she awkwardly climbed over the ledge and trembled, lowering down to her knees. She said, “I hope there’s a different way back down.”

 

Malcolm appeared on the ledge, his silhouette black against the twilight-blue sky, and laughed, jumping down onto the roof casually, easily. The bitterness in his laugh sent a shiver up Charlotte’s spine.

 

Leo filmed Nadia dancing on an abandoned air conditioning unit, focusing on her skirt that was barely the length of her hand. She jumped down, and took the phone from Leo, turning the camera on herself. “I’m so freakin’ excited to be here. But I’m also super terrified! Malcolm hasn't told me anything about where we're going.” Nadia pouted her lips behind her mask, asking in a cutesy voice, “Do you think Malcolm will keep me safe?”

 

Malcolm started for the open door at the other end of the roof. “Come on. I’m tired of waiting.”

​

Nadia turned the camera off.

 

A solemn silence washed over the four of them as they entered the building. Darkness wrapped around them, and they flicked on their shoulder lights. Dust glittered and wandered across the beams.

 

They followed the dark, dripping tunnel around a corner and faced a long, mechanical hallway dotted with doors in every direction.

 

Malcolm gestured them through an open door. Nadia bounced through, and Leo followed close behind. Charlotte was the last to follow. Malcolm’s large hand gently took her arm. “Are you okay?”

 

Fear trickled up her spine, but she ignored it. This was what she wanted. Charlotte gave him a shaky nod. “I’m ready.”

 

He nodded, and the door behind them slammed shut. 

 

Nadia walked ahead of them into a storage room stacked with ominous crates and boxes. She handed the phone to Leo and announced, “Going live.”

 

Leo confirmed, “Live.”

 

Nadia squatted low for the camera in Leo’s hand, oohing at stacks of papers forgotten on the crates. “Whoa. 1991.” She twisted to give the camera a view down her low-cut tank top. “This stuff hasn’t been touched in almost 100 years.”

 

Malcolm pushed open a set of doors into a wide, open space with faded green carpet and dated signage. Nadia cooed, “Whoa… This looks like an old church or something… Creepy.” She turned the camera back on herself and cooed, “Thank you, LongAzzTrp for the roses. Thank you, MissusProblemAttic69 for the handcuffs, we really appreciate it!”

 

Malcolm pulled open a door with a little glass window taped over with paper. He pulled it open and let out a bitter laugh. “You’ll love this, Nadia.”

 

Nadia went in and let out a squeal. She turned the camera to face herself. “Are you seeing this?! It’s perfect!”

 

Inside the room were ceiling-high cardboard cutouts of the Forever Bears in their sequined vests and top hats. Behind them were backdrops of the fantasy world they lived in and on the floor, perfect for a photo op, were giant gold hearts coated in dust.

 

Nadia pointed at the dusty heart in front of the magenta bear and said, “Leo, can you get this really quick?” Leo shuffled over and scraped the dust off the gold heart so Nadia could sprawl over them and take some selfies.

 

Meanwhile, Malcolm prowled on the other side of the room examining a set of shelves covered in Forever Bears ephemera. His hands grazed lightly over them, almost touching the stuffed animals, figurines, trading cards in glass cases, and branded sunglasses like he was blessing them.

 

Charlotte followed him, drawn a dark magnetism she couldn’t resist. 

He reached into the cabinet and pulled out a figurine, lifting it up so she could see. Her eyes danced over the Christmas edition of the Forever Bears wearing Santa hats and tangled in red tinsel.

 

Charlotte grinned, delicately taking it from him like it might shatter at her touch. A gentle nostalgia washed over her. For a moment, she was a child again, experiencing Christmas as it was meant to be: pure, sweet, and bathed in a sparkling ethereal light that only existed in her dreams.

 

She knew in her bones she might be chasing it for the rest of her life. “It’s… perfect.”

 

“It’s like us,” Malcolm said, waking her up from a daze, “Our favorite things. Together.”

 

Charlotte’s cheeks burned. It was the sweetest thing he’d ever said to her.

 

He said to her, “We’re getting closer.”

 

He had a wild look in his eyes, like he was ready to burn the world down and hoped she would come along for the ride. That’s what she loved about him. His passion was irresistible. 

Charlotte said. “I want to go with you.”

 

He smiled behind his mask, and warmth bloomed across his chest.

​

Leo held up a snow globe and said, “Hey, Malcolm, I found some Nostalgia Water.”

 

Malcolm straightened and strode over to him.

 

Leo gave the snow globe a good shake, and the flashlight on Malcolm’s shoulder lit up the bright flakes of white falling through liquid, landing on the Forever Bears’ top hats. The forgotten glitter drifted down like acid rain and microplastic nuclear fallout.

 

Malcolm flipped it over and twisted the bottom until the base released from the domed glass. He pulled off a glove and dipped a bare finger into the snowy liquid. He slid the wet finger underneath his mask, running it along his bottom lip. 

 

Charlotte found herself wishing she could touch his lips too.

 

"It's good, but not aged enough." Malcolm pulled his glove back on and held out the snow globe to Charlotte. “Want to try?”

 

Charlotte hesitated, and Nadia interjected, “I’ll do it if I can film it.”

 

Malcolm gave a noncommittal shrug, and Leo turned on the flash, giving the invisible crowd a glimpse of Nadia’s cherry-red lips as she tasted some of that poisonous water.

 

Malcolm nodded, satisfied, as her eyes took on a dazed, delighted look. He spoke into the camera then. He rarely did that. That’s what his 1.2 million followers loved about him. “Come. There’s one more room I want to show you.”

 

They followed him through the doorway, and darkness enveloped them, swallowing every sound they made. Their footsteps pattered against the cold concrete and puddles slick with slime.

 

They entered a dark room broken up with netting forming a maze.  Every corner was protected with a layer of colorful foam. The floor was dusty and dark, but squiggled neon shapes still peeked through.

 

Charlotte reached up and ran a hand along the foam corner beside her. “Is this…”

 

Nadia grinned, aiming her camera at them. “Laser tag. God, I missed this.”

 

Leo jumped out from behind a wall and mimicked shooting them. “Die, you scum!”

 

Nadia jumped behind a wall to hide from his imaginary bullets, popping out to rain her own imaginary gunfire over him.

 

While Nadia and Leo were distracted, Malcolm moved in close and whispered, “I found it. The thing you’ve been looking for. I want you to see it first.”

 

She trembled for a moment, a desperate hope filling her up.

 

Malcolm took her hand, pulling her along. He announced to Nadia and Leo, “Take the slide in a couple minutes. We’re going ahead.”

 

Malcolm brought her to a wall of plexiglass, and the sounds of Nadia and Leo goofing off faded into the distance. Despite the fog of mildew on the glass, she could see distant lights below shimmering in gold, green, blue, and pinkish-red. She looked at him, and her eyes teared up. She couldn’t find words for him. She whispered, “Malcolm…”

 

He smiled and said, “I set it all up. Just for you. But there’s one more thing you need to do.”

 

Her stomach dropped. His next words were a freight train destined to slam into her. There was no more running from it.

 

Malcolm held up the snow globe and moved closer to her. She shivered at the heat of him, and he asked, “Are you ready?”

 

She looked at the poisonous water and fought the urge to recoil. Every adult she’d known as a child had warned her never to break or ingest a liquid from a toy. That liquid was dangerous, even if it hadn’t been sitting forgotten on that shelf for decades.

 

And yet…

 

She trusted Malcolm. Some fantastic part of her believed it was more than just liquid in a snow globe, that when something is forgotten in a holy place, it freezes in time, and that shift in time can imbue the water with a kind of magic that transcends the modern world. Maybe Nostalgia Water could really take her back to a world where her life was simple and sweet and anything was possible.

 

She nodded, he brought it gently to her lips, and she took a sip. The water that had terrified her for so long tasted like nothing more than an old water bottle left in the sun ages ago. 

 

Then glitter caught on her tongue, flat and smooth and glassy-silver. Then sparkles danced in her vision. The lights turned soft and romantic, like something from another world. Or just another time. Suddenly she could feel everything she saw, the texture of the walls, the floor reached out to touch her, and the world responded to her presence. 

 

Malcolm guided her onto the slide, nudging her down. Then she was sliding, sliding. Down an endless loop. She spun, and time coiled around her, stretching out its coils like a rainbow slinky, and time turned backwards with it. She wasn’t a corporate woman living in a cold apartment. She was an optimistic young woman in college. A fiery teenager. A reclusive preteen. A sweet child. 

 

A sweet, sweet innocent child.

 

She reached the bottom of the slide and stood, the prickle of static on her skin. 

 

The room she’d landed in was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. A set of school desks and chairs were grouped into friendly little sets of four. A bulletin board behind it decorated with posters of Power Rangers and Beanie Babies. Lisa frank folders lay out on the desks, and Tamagotchi keychains hung from Polly Pocket backpacks tucked into labeled cubbies. Strips of green and red construction paper formed chain links that looped near the ceiling, and colorful antique Christmas lights lined the room. 

 

Charlotte touched a desk carefully like it might disappear under her touch. 

 

Things were simple and pure now. The Nostalgia Water had made it so. She was just a child in her class at Christmas, filled with joy and anticipation of the day Santa would come and she could tear apart the glistening gold, green, and red presents under a tree twice her size. 

 

Malcolm guided her to a desk. “Here, come sit.”

 

She sat down, and found a Christmas craft on the desk with glue, scissors, colorful sequins, and ribbon. Tears came to her eyes, and the world exploded with glitter. She was just a child, and this was all there was. Nothing could be simpler.

 

Leo came bumping down the slide, filming the drop. He turned around, getting on his knees so he got the perfect shot of Nadia going down the slide, her skirt riding up her thighs. She took the phone from him and popped up, holding it high and turning around the room. “Here we are! Oh my god, Malcolm, did you set up this room just for Charlotte? That’s soooo sweet!”

 

Malcolm stared at her, unmoving.

 

Nadia let out a nervous tittering and spun again, twirling around the room, Leo following her like a little puppy.

​

Nadia opened a door and ran into the darkness beyond, Leo disappearing after her. 

​

Meanwhile, Charlotte picked up the sequins, the glue. Her hands shook as she saw her own hands turn tiny, fat, and smooth. She dropped the glue on the paper, a little too much, and pressed a sequin into it. A little bubble of white rose in the center, and she smiled. It was all so wonderful.

​

Then a shout from somewhere deep in the bowels of the building. Leo sounded alarmed, and Malcolm ran after him. Charlotte tried to watch them go, but the darkness was too much. She's rather stay right there with her craft. After a few minutes of cutting construction paper with child scissors, Malcolm appeared, kneeling down beside Charlotte. He said, breathless, "They found it."

 

Charlotte blinked. "They..."

 

"An entire room of Nostalgia Water. Aged and in its prime."

 

Charlotte smiled. "I'm happy for you. That sounds perfect."

 

Then he said softly, “I think… you’re perfect.”

 

Her breath caught in her chest. He reached for her hand, and she shivered as she gave it to him. “I don’t think we need them anymore. Do you?”

 

The glitter fell in front of her eyes, swirling in Malcolm’s dark irises. He was perfect too, but she couldn’t figure out how to tell him, how to make the words come out.

 

Leo and Nadia returned from that dark, distant place, whooping and grinning wide. Leo filmed all of them, saying, "We finally found it! We found enough to ship to every patron and more. If you're interested in getting your own taste of Nostalgia Water--" Then Malcolm took the phone out of his hand, dropped it to the ground, and stepped on it until it cracked.

 

Leo’s face fell. “What the fuck?! Why’re you—?”

​

Swish.

 

Then a drop of red fell on her paper. She blinked at it. It didn’t quite look like a red sequin, but her vision sparkled and shone. She reached out to touch it, and it sparkled wet on her finger. She blinked, and another fell.

 

Then a rush of red sequins tumbled onto her desk as the knife in Malcolm’s hand slid across Leo’s throat.

 

There was more screaming, and Charlotte watched in a daze as the knife, a hot piece of silver slicing through the air like a magic wand, danced across Nadia’s stomach, tearing her open. Pink and red sequins and tinsel tumbled out of her. Bright red Christmas lights twisted across the front of her skirt.

 

Nadia’s eyes glistened bright, her cheeks cold pink like a vintage angel doll. She hit the ground, her hair a dark halo around her head.

 

Leo curled up beside her, a loop of emerald green holly leaves dotted with bright red berries. His skin paled and glittered gold.

 

Malcolm sat at the desk beside Charlotte and propped a leg up on the miniature desk. He twirled the bloody knife in his hand and looked at her. "There. It's kind of funny they thought I would ever share Nostalgia Water with the undeserving masses, don't you think?"

 

He took a long sip of Nostalgia Water, entering her world. Then they were children together, in their perfect slice of the past.

 

Malcolm put figurines of the Forever Bears on his desk, and they sang together,

 

     “We are the happy bears
     The bears that last forever.
     We are the happy bears
     You’ll forget us never.”

​

And Charlotte could have sworn she heard Nadia and Leo singing with them.